"Our geography textbook is so old, every day we play 'What's wrong with this picture?'"

"Before we learn this song, it's important to understand that cutting off the tail of a mouse is never acceptable."

"Can I get a tattoo if I get one that says, 'Mom'?"

"I'm so glad you're home. There's something in the refrigerator I want you to smell."

"Gosh, Dad, this is just like the Discovery Channel"

"Tommy? Tommy's not here? Who knows his pager number?"

"Not now, Billy. Daddy is commuting."

"I'll be a little late for work today. Oprah has really gotten good."